Here it is

Poison apples are everywhere.

Sleeping beauty waited for someone to come along and gently bring her back into the world. I feel like I had to wake myself up from a dream that I had been languishing in for my entire life. Have you ever felt like you were looking at yourself from another's perspective? I know you have.

Sometimes I have a dream where I know that I am asleep. It usually happens if I take a nap during the day, although sometimes it is an unwelcome haunt at night. There is nothing much to it, really. I dream that I am in the same place that I fell asleep in, but I know I have to wake up. I push the sheets off, put my arms up to stretch, and then swing my feet down to the ground to stand up. Only, I am not awake. I realize this and then I am right back where I started... trying to get up again. I know that I am still asleep, but cant wake myself up.

That's where the panic sets in.

I havent had a nightmare for years. I don't really know why, but my ego wants me to say that its because I'm not afraid of monsters anymore. The scary dream that I have now isn't about something chasing me. Its about not being able to control my own body. I know I'm asleep. I'm trying to move, but I cant. It takes me several more false starts before I can actually open my eyes and move my body in this conscious world. But is it really real?

The cobwebs are sometimes still being swept from my mind by the time I get my feet firmly planted on the ground. I'm still getting used to breathing; in the many frustrating seconds of my struggle back into this world I stop drawing in air.

This morning I felt as if I had awakened from a slumber that lasted 5 years. My feet are flat on the earth. I have begun to breath again. I am still clearing cobwebs.