My iReport on CNN

Countdown

I recently started to use countdown timers. My phone has one that displays a D= (however many days you have left) on the main screen. It has worked for me for one reason: every time I look at it, I get the beegeezeez scared out of me.

There are 14 days 15 hours 59 mins left until my test. So much rests upon those scores. Never have I seen an event like that posses so much meaning for my future. Life after school is so different. Without deadlines given to you (end of the year, grades, graduation) the realities of "you control your own destiny" are fully appreciated.

So far I like it.

Glasses with one lens.

With one eye open I can see only my problems and the crooked lines of unfortunate connections between them. The world is cruel, god is spiteful, and the happiness I thirst for is miles across a scorching desert.

With the other one open, I see the foolishness of my worries and can plainly trace the easy path to solving all of my issues. The world is not so cruel to me, god is still something I cannot even comprehend, and happiness is a cold glass of iced tea away.

I need to invest in an eye patch.

arrr.

Sitting

Sometimes I expect way to much from my electronics. The threshold of entertainment value received from your own personal electronic devices may be different from mine. I just dont know when that limit is reached sometimes. I click back and forth from the news, to e-mail, to myspace, to a website with ridiculous cat pictures.....

The urge to turn the computer off and just get back to life is too faint.

Of course, I'm just lazy too. That doesnt help.

Nope.

No help.

This really is an issue.

Why the hell is europe considered a separate continent from asia?

Ein Brief.

Self,

Before you get mad, I know its been a while. I’m writing to you because you can use the encouragement.
Yes, we have been here before- standing at the bottom of that mountain with all the accoutrement at hand. Yes, the way was lost in the past. Sometimes only half way up- sometimes sooner. It’s painful, I know. It would be great if the movie-inspired montage of working hard and quick results was real. You always have the right intention, but the wrong expectations of the work. It takes time, my friend.

You get up and try again. You always do that.

OK, I’m totally sorry about ditching you back in college. You see, I…. well, there is no excuse, really. It was a dick move on my part. You were flying blind, and I’m trying to make up for it now. Look, you can’t worry about it so much (a difficult task for yourself). Luckily, time is still on your side.
Speaking of being worried, your worries are so baseless sometimes. Actually they are baseless most of the time. You can’t control some things, buddy. Don’t fret over that call you were expecting, your two left feet, your old car, the home improvements you think you should be making, the little parts of you dad you see in yourself, your ignorance of the latest sports score, weather, bills, family, even her.
You have done a lot with yourself. There are people that have done a lot more. You don’t have it as easy as some, but you have it easier than many others. Take the time to reflect, but don’t reflect for too long- You have to get to work. Get past the negative emotions that sometimes take over your actions. To quote Lauryn Hill, “How you gonna win, if you ain’t right within?”
You’re great now, and you’ll be greater later. Find the passion that you always wanted. Get to it.

Love,
Naeem

P.S. When you’re torn between studying or cleaning the entire house, you better crack open that book, bozo.

Naeem

is having the thoughtful moment of the week. And a bad day too.