Ein Brief.

Self,

Before you get mad, I know its been a while. I’m writing to you because you can use the encouragement.
Yes, we have been here before- standing at the bottom of that mountain with all the accoutrement at hand. Yes, the way was lost in the past. Sometimes only half way up- sometimes sooner. It’s painful, I know. It would be great if the movie-inspired montage of working hard and quick results was real. You always have the right intention, but the wrong expectations of the work. It takes time, my friend.

You get up and try again. You always do that.

OK, I’m totally sorry about ditching you back in college. You see, I…. well, there is no excuse, really. It was a dick move on my part. You were flying blind, and I’m trying to make up for it now. Look, you can’t worry about it so much (a difficult task for yourself). Luckily, time is still on your side.
Speaking of being worried, your worries are so baseless sometimes. Actually they are baseless most of the time. You can’t control some things, buddy. Don’t fret over that call you were expecting, your two left feet, your old car, the home improvements you think you should be making, the little parts of you dad you see in yourself, your ignorance of the latest sports score, weather, bills, family, even her.
You have done a lot with yourself. There are people that have done a lot more. You don’t have it as easy as some, but you have it easier than many others. Take the time to reflect, but don’t reflect for too long- You have to get to work. Get past the negative emotions that sometimes take over your actions. To quote Lauryn Hill, “How you gonna win, if you ain’t right within?”
You’re great now, and you’ll be greater later. Find the passion that you always wanted. Get to it.

Love,
Naeem

P.S. When you’re torn between studying or cleaning the entire house, you better crack open that book, bozo.

Naeem

is having the thoughtful moment of the week. And a bad day too.

a useless endeavor
a plan thought so clever
it could not be right
at the end of the day

a futile attempt
my paycheck all spent
who could have known
it would finish this way

take me again
i must like the pain
it seems to always
end up like this.

It happens in a flash sometimes

the decisions that change

everything. Other times it takes a while

for all of the possible consequences

to shout their case-

sometimes all at once

from one of the long ques in my mind.


The moment is clear

most of the time. Sometimes it lies

hidden in plain site. I know its

there, but cannot bring myself to look-

to pick it up and accept.

How every day begins for me

I

Am alive. Take myself seriously. Face the demons in my mind everyday. Sometimes feel like the world has no limits. Hit the snooze button too many times in the morning. Like the sound of banjo music sometimes. Have made many mistakes in my life. Prefer espresso. Worry about my hair. Am lazy. Come up with some of my best stuff as I am saying it. Fly like paper; get high like planes. Don’t like to hear recordings of my own voice. Like to take the long way home. Sometimes must fight my inherited urge to show off. Drive an old car. Take too many napkins from the napkin dispenser and put the extra ones in my glove box. Like to catch up with friends over the phone. Like to write letters to them too. Have traveled to more places than many people I know. Want to travel more. Don’t like to give exact change because is feels weird not getting any money back. Over analyze things. Sometimes struggle to pick sides on an issue. Dance poorly; dance regularly. Still haven’t found what I’m looking for. Am cooking more. Am cooking better. Trying to find the energy. Am getting better at the whole will power thing. Am more comfortable in my own skin than I have ever been. Am passionate about the right things. Love my family as I love myself. Love all the faults too. Sometimes wonder how I got here. Am fascinated with all of the small events that took place to make accomplished people who they are. Hope. Rush in. Am trying to be more punctual. Will make many more mistakes. Follow most traffic laws when I’m in my car. Don’t really try to follow those same laws when I’m on my motorcycle. Think back with great fondness to Europe. Would launch a thousand ships in my heart for the right one. Like to take pictures of stuff. Don’t do it often enough. Am in control. Believe in god sometimes. Only believe in the good parts when I do. Wonder what it feels like to run a marathon. Will survive. Have contemplated suicide. Clean my house when I’m avoiding real work. Miss trick-or-treating. Wish I could play basketball. Like the feisty ones. Like sending stuff in the mail. Pretend to be interested sometimes. Eat way to slowly. Sometimes catch myself saying “and stuff” after every sentence. Am faithful. Am looking forward. Am still alive.

Harvard Gym

I came across this article a few days ago, and I'm compelled to at least say something...

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/23556551/

Basically, one of the few gyms on Harvard's campus is restricted to women only for about 6 hours a week. This is to accommodate female Muslim students on campus who will be able to wear more gym-appropriate clothes with of the absence of males in the facility.

The controversy that has stemmed from this is only to be expected. Some students -and others not associated with Harvard- argue that this measure is discrimination against male students who are normally permitted into the gym. (Only males are temporarily banned, not other non-Muslim women) The group that requested the accommodation consisted of only 6 Muslim girls- far to small a number for some critics.

Although I see how this can be an inconvenience to male students (who will have to adjust their schedule or at least go to another gym on campus), I cant see how this concession made such a big stink.

I live in a state with several blue-laws including the prohibition of alcohol sales on Sundays. These archaic laws that have been on the books for decades are much bigger and bolder religious concessions than allowing women to exercise alone for a couple of hours a week.

Christian holidays are still mostly national holidays, and optional teacher workdays still miraculously fall on Jewish holy days. We make these kinds exceptions everyday. They have become such a part of the status quo that many of us forget that they have nothing to do with our "secular" society.

People should be able to practice whatever they like. Others should respect that. I'm glad that we got Yom Kippour off every year. I never complained about relaxing over "Winter Break." I didn't even mind making up work when I came back to school after Eid-ul-fitr- there wasn't even a half day for that one.

I understand the benefit of having concessions for any faith. Society is a collective product of the people who live in it. Its not the opposite.

Here it is

Poison apples are everywhere.

Sleeping beauty waited for someone to come along and gently bring her back into the world. I feel like I had to wake myself up from a dream that I had been languishing in for my entire life. Have you ever felt like you were looking at yourself from another's perspective? I know you have.

Sometimes I have a dream where I know that I am asleep. It usually happens if I take a nap during the day, although sometimes it is an unwelcome haunt at night. There is nothing much to it, really. I dream that I am in the same place that I fell asleep in, but I know I have to wake up. I push the sheets off, put my arms up to stretch, and then swing my feet down to the ground to stand up. Only, I am not awake. I realize this and then I am right back where I started... trying to get up again. I know that I am still asleep, but cant wake myself up.

That's where the panic sets in.

I havent had a nightmare for years. I don't really know why, but my ego wants me to say that its because I'm not afraid of monsters anymore. The scary dream that I have now isn't about something chasing me. Its about not being able to control my own body. I know I'm asleep. I'm trying to move, but I cant. It takes me several more false starts before I can actually open my eyes and move my body in this conscious world. But is it really real?

The cobwebs are sometimes still being swept from my mind by the time I get my feet firmly planted on the ground. I'm still getting used to breathing; in the many frustrating seconds of my struggle back into this world I stop drawing in air.

This morning I felt as if I had awakened from a slumber that lasted 5 years. My feet are flat on the earth. I have begun to breath again. I am still clearing cobwebs.